Best Man Toasts at a Wedding
If you've ever been asked to be someone's Best Man at their wedding, then you'll know the story. The groom usually picks his moment well - you've had a few beers, everyone's relaxed, and before you know it, you've been asked to be the Best Man, and you've said yes. No problem. Then early next morning, the awful truth hits you - you've got to organise the Bachelor Party/Stag Night/Bucks Party, but far, far worse... you've got to make the Best Man Speech!
If you really don't think that writing your own speech is the way forward for you, then by all means read on for some tips on personalising the speech. However, if you're willing to spend a couple of bucks, head onover to Wedding Speech 4U, where they can provide you with pretty much any speech you need.
Now, even if you've done some public speaking, this is no easy task. You've got to be really nice to everyone, especially the bride, but on top of that, as the Best Man, you're expected to be funny! The problem is, you're not just talking to the guys, but your audience will include all the mothers, fathers, aunts uncles, grandparents, possibly the religious minister who conducted the service, and loads of children. So you can't just get out your Billy Connolly or Richard Pryor joke book!
Now, I'll leave all the general stuff about public speaking, like controlling nervousness and projecting your voice, for another time. Right now, lets just concentrate on how to be funny without causing too much offence! The main job you need to do is research. Now, if we assume you know the Groom quite well, as I'd hope you do, then your main research tool is your memory. Think of everything that the Groom and you have done together, think of things he might have said over the years, and decide which things can be given a humorous spin. If you can, try to make big events funny, and avoid anything where you really "had to be there" for it to be funny. Let me give you a couple of examples.
Years ago, I told my parents that I was getting married. My brother was there at the time, and said that he was probably getting married too. That's not very funny, is it? But when he asked me to be Best Man at his wedding, this is what I put in my speech:
"Michael's never been one for big announcements. I remember when I told our parents that I was getting married. Michael was there, and he said 'So am I, probably'. So when I recently told them that I was going to be a father, I half expected Michael to pop up and say 'So am I, probably'!"
Trust me, that got a good laugh - from everyone except his bride-to-be's parents.
Another time I was Best Man to a long time friend, and I remembered how one night, years ago, after we'd had a few beers, he'd made an "abusive hand gesture" to a passing police car. The occupants of the car naturally took umbrage at this, turned the car round, arrested him, and took him to the station for a few hours to consider the inappropriateness of his actions. That's not very funny - it definitely wasn't funny at the time. But years later, at the wedding, this was roughly how it went.
"Now, I don't know how many of you are aware that Simon's got a Criminal Record?" (pause for sharp intakes of breath from people who DIDN'T know!) "Well I've no idea what Simon was doing as this police car drove past..." (while saying this, I'm making the aforementioned Abusive Hand Gesture "off camera", so to speak), but for some reason, they stopped and bundled him into the car!"
This also got a good laugh - and revealing the "shocking truth" about his criminal record meant that I'd grabbed the attention of the audience, and then the visual joke caught them off-guard.
So you see, with a bit of thought, and a bit of planning, you can make your audience laugh without resorting to uncomfortable revelations about the Groom's former love-life - although if you CAN make it funny, go for it!
And if you're really stuck, well look no further than Zander's Free Limerick Generator
Good luck! Zander